Big-Ass Bull

Author's note: I wrote this story in 2012. Linda and I became fast friends while writing a huge federal grant for the First Serve program. I learned today that my dear friend went home to be with the Lord. Her kindness, generosity, humor, and loving friendship forever touched my life. Until we meet again, my good buddy, you will always be in my heart.

She held tight to her cell phone in trembling hands as if it was the only thing that could save her life.  

"Who should I call?" She screamed at me as we stood motionless on the dirt path in the middle of a hundred-acre orange grove.  

The irony of the situation was hilarious: Here we stood, two defenseless ladies on an afternoon walk, face to face with a 3,000-pound bull and an equally large cow – one of us holding a cell phone poised to call for help. My eyes were fixed on the larger-than-life bull blocking our escape route. The bull's horns had to measure at least six feet across, and his head was as large as my entire body. His lady friend standing on his right was just as significant – minus the horns. "Who should you call?" I yelled as the first hint of laughter began to enter my psyche.

Linda, my friend, failed to see the humor in our predicament and began to cry hysterically. I couldn't help it. I continued to laugh.  

"I'll call Bill!" She screamed as she began frantically dialing. (Bill, my husband, was at our home in front of the orange grove).  

"What is Bill going to do?" I asked, choking back more laughter. "Is he going to run to our rescue and chase away the big-ass bull?"  

I knew I had stepped over the line the minute the words left my mouth. Looking at my friend Linda all I could see was sheer panic on her face. All power of reason had abandoned her. She was on autopilot, and her only hope of rescue rested in the tiny cell phone in the palm of her hand. 

This whole thing started when Linda, my good buddy and loyal friend, visited me after a particularly harrowing day. Linda was dressed in high heels, slacks, and a black sweater. I wanted to tell her about my day, but with five children and a husband in the house, I suggested a walk in the orange grove. I was so consumed with my problems and wanted to talk to Linda so much that I didn't even take notice of her attire. However, Linda, a true friend, wordlessly trailed behind me like a dutiful loyal dog following its master.

The first hurdle was the fence separating our back pasture from the orange grove. In my shorts and sneakers, I climbed the fence without even breaking a sweat. On the other hand, Linda labored in her high heels to scale the fence. Unfortunately, she was perched precariously on the top because her sweater had snagged on the splintering wood. I assisted her from atop the fence while she examined her sweater.  

"Why are you wearing a sweater in Florida?" I asked as we made our way to the path.  

"I was on my way to a board meeting, and it gets cold in that room!" She replied in a tone that suggested she was getting a bit snippy with me. (I was still so self-absorbed that I hadn't acknowledged her high heel shoes or slacks).

I often take refuge in the orange grove when things bother me, and I need a quiet place to sit and contemplate the day's events. It's where I go to think and pray. I don't usually take anyone with me except my dog, Toby. So, when I asked Linda to walk with me, I invited her into my world of comfort. I don't think she saw it that way. The orange grove was as far from her comfort level as a city street would be for me. Yet, she was walking by my side down a sandy dirt path as her high heels sank perilously with each step she took.  

 Oblivious to her plight, I rambled about my problems with tears streaming down my face. Panting and sweating, she dutifully followed and patiently listened.  

My rambling was suddenly interrupted as Linda spoke for the first time since our entrance into the grove.

"Betty, do you see what I see?" It was the way she asked the question that got my immediate attention.  

There was a dread in her voice that sent chills up my spine. "A rattlesnake!" I exclaimed.  

"No," she yelled, "It's a huge bull!"  

"Oh, he won't hurt you."  

I said this with an air of casualness because I regularly came across bulls in the orange grove. I always walked by them with less than a glance in their direction. On the other hand, Linda stood frozen in place ~ she looked like she was melting as her high heels sank further into the sand. 

 "Why are you wearing high heels out here?" I finally observed.  

"What are you talking about!!!" She screamed back at me. "Don't you see that bull!!"  

I glanced at the bull standing behind some trees. The bull was at least 50 yards from us. I also noticed that a large cow accompanied him. I knew this meant that the rest of the hundred head of cattle were very close by ~ like probably right behind us.  

"Okay," I said in my most assertive voice, "We're just going to keep on walking forward and ignore the bull." (She hadn't seen the cow that was partially hidden by some brush and an orange tree).  

"Are you sure?" Her pleading eyes looked into my face for reassurance.  

"Of course, I'm sure. Besides, if the bull charges, we'll climb a tree!"  

The picture of Linda climbing a tree in her slacks and high heels immediately made me smile. It was the first time I had smiled all day. As she clung to my arm, I realized how lucky I was to have such a good friend who'd brave a huge bull just for me. We proceeded with caution down the path.  

We arrived at my thinking spot by the creek, and we talked, laughed, and cried. I apologized for dragging her into the orange grove.  

All she said was, "Isn't that what friends are for?"  

It wasn't long before we had to make the trek home. Poor Linda still had a board meeting to attend in her snagged sweater, dirty high heels, and sweaty slacks. 

It was on the way back that the real trouble started. I assumed the bull would have migrated away from the path by the time we headed home. However, he and his girlfriend had come much closer and now stood dead before us. A stare-down ensued as the bull, and I made eye contact. Linda hysterically reached for her cell phone as the bull and I locked eyes. 

I knew I had to act quickly to get Linda under control. I also knew I had to act soon to control the laughter that was welling up inside me as I watched her fumbling with the cell phone. I didn't want to laugh, but fleeting images of my husband, Bill, running to our rescue kept rushing through my mind.  

I tried desperately not to laugh. It didn't work. I laughed. Linda became hysterical, and the situation deteriorated until it was totally out of control. I thought briefly of slapping Linda, but instead, I grabbed her hand and calmly directed her to back up and move off the path.  

What a sight we must have been: Linda, in her "going to a board meeting attire," hiding behind me, her cell phone in a death grip, as we slowly backed off the path into the weeds.  

The bull quickly lost interest in us and turned his head. This was our cue to run. We dashed through to orange trees and prickly weeds – never once glancing back. Soon, we were at the backyard fence. Linda wearily scaled the rails without caring about her sweater (now covered in briers). I hopped the fence, and we wordlessly walked to Linda's car. 

I was afraid to talk as I aimlessly plucked prickers from her sweater. She looked like something the cat had drug around the yard for days. Her hair was matted to her head, her sweater was marred with snags, twigs, and dirt, and her slacks were drenched in sweat. Finally, I got up the courage to apologize.  

She hugged me and said, "You owe me big time for this girlfriend!" 

So, now Linda and I have a great story to tell. Every time we tell it, the bull's horns grow slightly bigger, and the cow puts on a few hundred pounds.   

But there's another story behind the story. It's the story of trust, love, and true friendship. As the tale of the bull is forever woven into the fabric of our lives, so is the tale of two friends who find comfort in the fact that we'll always be within arms reach of each other – even if we're miles apart. Sometimes friends have to hold each other up. Sometimes we have to laugh together. Sometimes we have to walk in silence together. And sometimes we even have to brave big-ass bulls together!