Those of you who have been reading my blog (I’m up to over 6,000 readers now) have come to know my life’s struggles. I haven’t shared everything, but enough for people to get the sense of who I am. As I read back on some of my own posts: Soul Drain, Stepping Stones, A Dog Named Stay, Egg Light, Wings to Fly, I’ve Used Everything You Gave Me...I’ve realized that there is a common soul thread throughout all of these stories. It’s like an epic battle being fought between my willful nature and God’s steady nudging. He nudges, I listen for a time and then I take it all back into my own hands again.
Isn’t that what so many of us do? We cry out to God in desperation and finally turn everything over to Him only to take it back again. It reminds me of cresting waves that come crashing to shore with a vengeance and then quietly recede only to come crashing to shore again. My life has been one cresting, crashing, receding wave after another. It’s tiring riding the waves of uncertainty, doubt and fear.
The night before I resigned from my job I had a dream. In this dream I was at the “Center of Hope and Light”. I was sitting on a swing in the middle of a room surrounded by a radiant light that filled the room with a luminous glow. I cannot adequately describe the light but I’ve only seen it once before in a dream when I was eight years old. That dream had a profound impact on my life as did this dream.
So, I was in this swing and I began spinning around very fast. As I was spinning, below me was a bible. I kept thinking to myself, “Shouldn’t I open that and read it?” Behind me there were three women singingThe Potter’s Hand. I started singing with them - and, amazingly, I was singing in the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.
I got to the part where I was singing, “take me, mold me, use me, fill me...I give my life to the potter’s hand. Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me”...Then I fell asleep in the swing.
By the time I fell asleep, the swing was spinning at such a rapid speed that I would have certainly fallen out had the three women not noticed I was asleep. They quickly ran over to me and grabbed ahold of my foot and began shaking me awake.
I woke up to someone shaking my foot - I thought is was Bill, but no one was there. I had spent the previous week reading my bible and praying for God to send me a dream so I would know what I should do about my job. I knew that this was the dream and that it was God shaking me awake.
Whenever I read my bible, I journal and sometimes I write/draw with my non-dominant hand. It is a way of getting in touch with my “inner child”.
On the night that I had the dream, I got out of bed and read the prayer I wrote in my journal: “God direct my steps through your Holy Spirit. Give me peace that surpasses all understanding. Guard my heart and keep me from fearing what tomorrow will bring.”
Then I opened my journal to this drawing:
After reading my prayer and my drawing, I knew in my heart that it was time for me to leave my job. I truly experienced peace that surpassed all understanding and I recommitted my life to the potter’s hands. I believe that I should now put all my energy into my life's dream of having a workplace for special needs people. I want to provide a place where they can feel loved and cherished. I believe that God is directing me there and it's time I listened.