Survivor

If you're reading this, you're a survivor. When someone tells us they're a "survivor," it's natural to wonder what that individual survived. Often, the individual will say, "I'm a survivor of…," and they fill in the blank. Then, we don't have to guess, but it doesn't mean that we better understand what "survivor" means for each person. In reality, we are all survivors. 

Life is a survival sport. It's just how we participate in the game and survive. We can be angry, joyful, grateful, triumphant, or sad survivors. Ultimately, the way we choose to survive is what people will remember.

Today, I read a post on the brain aneurysm survivors' website. The post said, "A brain aneurysm changed my life by ____________________." I read the post and asked my daughter, Jenn, how she would fill in that blank. Jenn said, "Giving me a new appreciation for every moment of every day and every breath I take that doesn't require a breathing tube!" That's a typical response for Jenn, who always looks at her post-aneurysm life with a positive attitude and humor. 

It didn't occur to me that I should also answer the question since I, too, had a brain aneurysm. I, too, am a survivor. I am a survivor of a brain aneurysm, a stroke, and heart stents. I am a survivor of a parent that has lost a child. I am a survivor of so many things that I forget what I've survived! 

I want to say that I am always a grateful survivor, but that wouldn't be true. I am not always appreciative, joyful, or triumphant. Often, I'm angry and sad. Sometimes, I mourn all that I have lost. Sometimes, I get mad because my brain does not function like it used to. 

I could write a lot about sadness. My tears could salt many pages of loss - enough to fill an ocean. God knows there are times when I let the ocean waves of emotions wash over me and threaten to crush me into the rocks. I could easily allow myself to be tossed and thrown by the waves. I could drown in the sorrow. 

Thankfully, despair is not the spirit God has allowed to take root in my soul. If depression gained a foothold, the root system would be massive. Instead, I'll body-surf the waves and say, "I've survived this far!"